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My Letter to Jury Clerk

This is a copy of the letter I wrote in response to a jury summons.

My name is Davis Finlay Gaul and I have received a Jury summons for October 12th in front of the Honorable Judge Gannett. It is likely that I will be incarcerated at this time. I am currently involved in a criminal case in which I have been convicted of two felonies (CN’s 09CR104, 2010CR144). My sentencing is on the 22nd of September and I will probably proceed directly to Community Corrections. I could have my psychiatrist pen a letter about my bi-polar disorder and how I am not fit to pass judgement on my peers, but I thought this might get it done more quickly. I must say that receiving a jury summons, given my current legal position, is pretty hilarious and really made my day. Please respond to this email address as quickly as possible, as my sentencing is in less than two weeks.
Thanks dude,Davis

text: ” ‘Waver a little,’ the professor told his student. ‘Your mind prefers to emulate a tree, not a rock.’”

text: ” ‘Waver a little,’ the professor told his student. ‘Your mind prefers to emulate a tree, not a rock.’”

text: “Dissonance: Melodic interpretation of psychological ambiguity and structured deviance…”

text: “Dissonance: Melodic interpretation of psychological ambiguity and structured deviance…”

text: “I owe you a tip -[name omitted]  I’ll make it up!” symon says: that’s what i’m talkin’ about- brutal honesty!

text: “I owe you a tip -[name omitted]  I’ll make it up!”

symon says: that’s what i’m talkin’ about- brutal honesty!

symon says: lip stain… my second cosmetic tip. apparently the people want their baristas looking good.

symon says: lip stain… my second cosmetic tip. apparently the people want their baristas looking good.

text: “I like to sit on the cooler because I have a hot ass!  -Universal Mistress”

text: “I like to sit on the cooler because I have a hot ass!  -Universal Mistress”

text: “rule #13- Never freebase alone.”

text: “rule #13- Never freebase alone.”

text: “there is a way out. but then, where will you be?” symon says: i like to think this is for those contemplating suicide. 

text: “there is a way out. but then, where will you be?”

symon says: i like to think this is for those contemplating suicide. 

text: “Another Round Rest wasn’t worth shit tonight, Sam. Coke like Pop in your glass, snorting it with a straw, but damn son you have a kid filled with a million pictures of shitty trees. Love your coke like a child, Sam. Keep fucking every moving orifice. One day that kid you never embraced is gonna snort outta the same deep pint.” [signed]

text: “Another Round

Rest wasn’t worth shit tonight, Sam. Coke like Pop in your glass, snorting it with a straw, but damn son you have a kid filled with a million pictures of shitty trees. Love your coke like a child, Sam. Keep fucking every moving orifice. One day that kid you never embraced is gonna snort outta the same deep pint.” [signed]

symon says: that’s it. but it was deliberately in the tip jar.

symon says: that’s it. but it was deliberately in the tip jar.

text: “FuckFuckFuck this sucks goats ass.” symon says: my thoughts exactly.

text: “FuckFuckFuck this sucks goats ass.”

symon says: my thoughts exactly.

text: “Once My three girl friends and I were eating at an IHOP in highschool. The night before I found out I could stretch out my toes super far and screech like a raptor. they looked like raptor toes. At IHOP the waiter kept hitting on me so i pulled off my socks and shoes at the resaurant and did the raptor impression. He came over immediately and told me he thought my chicken impression was sexy. we all laughed and one of them corrected him, saying it’s a raptor. He then continued to pursue me. Once our food was dropped, i picked up all the hashbrowns on my plate and dropped them all over my face. He said “I love the way you eat, it’s RAW. wanna go on a date sometime?” I’m still amazed at how persistent guys can be, even when you’re a disgusting SLOB.”

text: “Once My three girl friends and I were eating at an IHOP in highschool. The night before I found out I could stretch out my toes super far and screech like a raptor. they looked like raptor toes. At IHOP the waiter kept hitting on me so i pulled off my socks and shoes at the resaurant and did the raptor impression. He came over immediately and told me he thought my chicken impression was sexy. we all laughed and one of them corrected him, saying it’s a raptor. He then continued to pursue me. Once our food was dropped, i picked up all the hashbrowns on my plate and dropped them all over my face. He said “I love the way you eat, it’s RAW. wanna go on a date sometime?” I’m still amazed at how persistent guys can be, even when you’re a disgusting SLOB.”

text: “my ego should not be on film…” symon says: huh. the more i think about this, the more interesting it is. maybe it’s just me.

text: “my ego should not be on film…”

symon says: huh. the more i think about this, the more interesting it is. maybe it’s just me.

symon says: no, i did not write this text: “Well life goes on as usual. I don’t think I will be going to jail. But I have to tell everyone that I am going.”

symon says: no, i did not write this

text: “Well life goes on as usual. I don’t think I will be going to jail. But I have to tell everyone that I am going.”